OMG my dear friends! I have been gone for SO LONG! You would not BELIEVE all that has happened to me! I have so much to tell! Romance, drama, love, friendship, and plenty of new music. Plus I gotta give ALL the details on band. But alas, I am only on for a moment. Not sure when I'll get this oppertunity again but I will try my best. Just wanted to say TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! I can't believe I'm 15! I feel so OLD! XP But this bday was MUCH better than the last. I love my presents! And my friends are THE BEST! Can't wait to tell what I got. Luckly it's not TB! lolz. (theres like some epidemic or something) I actually thought Josh had it! XD Thank God he doesn't. I don't think I've ever mentioned Josh before but he's become someone really important in my life lately. He plays an important part. But I'll explain later. Anyway, much love to everyone. I miss talking... Oh well such is life. Be back soon! (I hope.)

Zaikyo of Age 15 in LovE

P.S. Tuberkulosis?! Really?! *facepalm* Jesus Christ... -_-"

P.S.S. At exactly 3:17p.m. central time when I was born I made a wish today. I hope it comes true! ^^

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My lovely Nightmare was just in time for the season of rememberance and nostalgia. Fall! REM is a fun and kawaii video with lots of color and energy. I was so happy to see them all in such a setting. But then Love Addict... it took my breath away. It was like... a vision from the past. And it was most definately a fall song. Something I'll look back on during this time years to come. Like the other song.... How lovely...

Visions not drawn to scale
In my mind leaves an invisible trail
Can you see the dim light from the window?
Drunk on my sighs last creciendo
What are we waiting for?
Not really here anymore
There are two parts to every crime
First degree and suicide
But I can't think straight anymore
Locked inside this wilted door
Pull the trigger to end my debt
Hurry before the sun should set
Words spill out like useless lines
I cant hear over my sensless whines
Delirious in my drunken haze
This corner not safe from the setting rays
Change the channel on this day
Whisper to me what the wind would say
"Blow away with me and never come back"
Surely wings I seem to lack
But you my friend can set me free
On the floor lies your key
Black and shining, cold and dark
In your eyes, a little spark
Though instead you turn and run away
Leaving the key where I lay
I now suppoes its time to go
And leave this room that no one knows
And yes my dear, I surely would
But the sun has set and left for good
Another night to wait my turn
Another bottle to ease the burn

Inspired By Staind-Save Me

This is by far one of THE BEST american bands EVER. I love Staind! I'm actually naming a novel after them. "StainD Pages." All their music hipes up my Empath senses and things go way visual. Usually I just feel other people emotions. But as with most music, I really SEE what they saw. Staind has such beautiful but sad thoughts and visions. Their music is sad... but in a lovely way.

This is probably my favorite song by them ever. It makes me feel hollow. I love that feeling...

So much has happened. My God, THIS is why I have to post everyday otherwise I'm overwelmed with stuff. Well lets see... I'm so ticked off at Ty. Everytime I start to like him a little more he does something horrid that makes me hate him once again. You would not BELIEVE what he's done. Seducing and corrupting a little girl, having sex with his girlfriend in his room with his little brothers home (not the same girl but same time period), being WAY unfaithful to Kaitlyn, lying about it to K-chan and I (we're the only ones that know and sam) ... I have to say he's really done it this time. And I've found something out. I'm much more worried for the girl than I am Kaitlyn. Because I realize something. I can't keep fighting to save people who don't want it or are too stubborn and selfish to listen. I ALWAYS do that. And I'm tired. I don't have infinant compassion anymore. I'm just too tired to care. I love Kaitlyn like a sister. Without her the four Elements aren't complete anymore. But really... about helping her.. I just don't care. I'm done. She's way too SELFISH. But I am worried about the girl. Appearently she goes to our old middle school Surfside. She's like a super perfect A student. But since she met Ty her grades have dropped and shes been skipping class. You wanna know why? I've been thinking back to that day last week when Ty rode his bike home in the rain. I was so scared I didn't know why. Just a bad feeling. But I feel so STUPID now. The reason Ty was riding his bike home was because he wasn't going home. Surfside is very close to Arnold High. We get out of school a half hour before the middle schoolers. He rode his bike to Surfside to meet her. Just to meet her (btw he has a girlfriend and Kaitlyn). The girl was caught skipping class early to meet him. When her mom found out and told her she couldnt see him anymore she had a FREAK OUT. Like serious crazy attack. I just do not understand. Ty has this... power over people. Bending them to his will and desires. Why does it work on everybody? But seemingly not me? Maybe 'cause I'm too repelled by his energy? I mean we have to remember the whole "I think I might have feelings for him" thing. But I'm thinking it's not that since his actions repulse me too much. No, I think its something like... a bond. Energy bond maybe? We're connected somehow on some basis. I can feel it. We have comple opposite elements. I'm a Water, he's a Fire. But we share the same sub element. Air. Like we have some purpose to be together. But not in THAT way. >.< We have some things in common (besides our taste in music). Our issues with our dads. Our link to paranormal stuff. Our knowlage of cetain things... But I don't know. I was so ticked off with him when I found out wednesday. I hadnt really seen him after that until today we were in the cafeteria line together but he was a few people behind me. And he kept STARING AT ME as if studying me or something. I didn't look at him and just tried to seem engulfed in Jenny's conversation with me. I didnt see him at all while I was outside eating with everyone, but I felt weird. After school I was talking with everyone while waiting for the bus like usual. And like usual me and K-chan's bus was one of the last to get there. Mostly all our friends had gone alreay (escept Mikayala). So when our bus finally got there we were talking about spirit week and I was leading the way to the bus. Deep in my subconsious I knew I was going the stupid way but we just kept going that way (even K-chan was thinking it too). I was like five feet from my bus when I hear him running behind me and the next thing I know I'm in the arms of an energy stealing psy vamp. Again. It was simple though which is not like Ty. Usually he doesnt let go until I fight him (and even then I'm not strong enough). But he just wanted to say goodbye and hug me. It was strange. His hug still drained me tremendously. But there was something else. When he toutched me it was like.. for a second I was looking inside of him. Just a glimps. But there like... this light childlike innocence in him. And innocence is something I've know Ty to lack. But it seemed pure. Like a little flicker of light in a really dark void. Almost like I skipped passed everything else in him and went right to the center.... And then I couldnt be mad anymore. I almost wanted to cry actually. Even now. I dont understand what it is with him and I. But I wish I did. It's raining again.

     So I've been all emotionally confused as usual. I had this hysterical mental moment on Monday. Ty (that idiot -_-") decided to ride his BIKE home from school. I don't know how far West Bay is from Arnold High but I know its a good distance. Not to mention the fact that it was RAINING. AND, he had like SUPER HEAVEY TEXT BOOKS with him. And I know it seems weird, Zaikyo worrying about Ty. But this has nothing to do with the other stuff. I was just generally concerned... To the point of hysteria! When I saw he was okay the next day I could've KICKED HIM. But it's not like I want him to know how much I worried about him. Besides, getting emotional with Ty is a step in a bad direction. You wouldn't believe how much his emotions effect me. I've felt him go through so much internally, I can't take it. And couple that with his already heavy vamp energy... Lets just say that if he has a meltdown, I'll have one... ten times worse. I can't help feeling this emotional pull to him and yet getting withing six feet of him is like nausia. Empathy is so uinfair.
    School is still interesting but the work is killer! I think I failed my first history test ALREADY! It had 97 questions on it! And that was just the FIRST PART! There was an essay response part 2 of it but we never got that far because he said we had all missed so many that he had to spend longer time grading it. DO YOU REALIZE HOW BAD THAT IS?! I knew the answer to like three questions! And he said this was our EASIEST test! We have another one Friday and I have an algebra 2 test that day too AND I have a biology test tomorrow. I HATE HONORS!
     Friday marks my first band preformance at our schools first football game. I had a sectional practice today but lucky for me it was cancled 'cause I DIDN'T want to go. I already have practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I dont need Wednesday covered too. Plus I don't really enjoy sectionals since it's just my section so theres less of us and more focus on us individually. I haven't memorized all of my pieces yet. I mostly got the halftime music but not the stands music.
    I've been like neck deep in music lately. And I'm so excited 'cause Nightmare's new single Rem and Love Addict are going to be release the same day as the game Friday. Well its japanese time so 15 hours before. So maybe Thursday. I can't wait! I've alreay heard the raido cut of Rem. FREAKING LOVELY.

Some Songs I Like by the GazettE

THIS SONG IS LIKE ABSTRACT ALTERNATIVE ROCK AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS JUST AWESOME!!!!!!!

I slept over with K-chan and  went to her church. (Catholic church is awesome!) We like couldn't find anything to with my hair so it looks insane. I borrowed her Paramore albums so I can copy them. But then I wont have any room in my album case. I need a new one 'cause someone broke it. I would usually be ticked but I really don't care as long as the albums aren't damaged. One time while I was at band camp my little brother went in my room to get some micheal jackson album and so he went through all my CDs. The I got home and was choosing something to listen to and I saw that my new album Majestical Parade by Nightmare was just sitting in a chair... I sreamed his name so loud he might have actually feared for his life. I would burn my writing before I allowed anything to happen to my music! So I'm still waiting for fall to get here. I gotta go back to school tomorrow with like no protection. And I don't think I finished my homework... Crap. Oh yeah, I finally got my new cell (after leaving mine in Disney World.) This one is a pretty red but I'm not used to the full keyboard. It's kinda annoyong. -_-

MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE CRAP TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (But in a cool way XD)


Omg... I THINK WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today is Friday, the end of the first school week. And its been crazy chaos, the kind I've never had to deal with before. But things seem much better now. No, my internal issues haven't gone magically away. But its almost here. Yes, Autumn. My ultimate season. Its not here yet but I can feel its presence comming. Today resembles its aproach. I always know when its near, just by looking at the sunlight. It's weird I know. But fall helps me let go of everything negative. I become like... centered. I can find myself and my happiness and my peace. It's also the time when my energies are in perfect balance and I use my third eye most often. I have like, LOTS of visions and stuff and one of my favorite parts of all, I have nostalgia episodes ALL THE TIME! I feel so many pleasent things. Which is why I love this season. Its my one fourth of the year where I can just be... FREE! Funny how life is. Giving you those little moments in between all the chaos to simply live as you are. Couldn't be more screwed up. Couldn't be better either. Heh. So yeah, a video that brings me back to nostalgic times; Tsuki no Hikari Utsutsu no Yume by my lovely Nightmare. (Translation: Moon's Light, Reality's Dream)

Okay so it's the third day of school and I still get lost trying to find my classes and stuff sometimes. And it's heartbreaking 'cause Sam and K-chan and Coral and Cody all have 2nd lunch and I have first! T_T *sadness* Luckily I have lunch with Alisa and Jenny and Mara and unfortunately Ty. His hair looks way better now. He re did it and cut it. But it's still blond and I prefer it black. Anyway, I'm starting to get scared. Of myself and my own emotions. At least I think they're mine. I'm having some mental conflicts and it's killing me inside. I need help from these freaking HORMONES. I've only told K-chan this. My little- or rather bug secret. Its got me running up and down trying to figure out who I am why I feel this way and how HE ended up clouding my thoughts. Since day one I couldn't stand him. He's arrogant,. egotistical, sadistic, and as Coral put it, "a man slut." He goes through girls like a playboy and yet he's so not. I've always hated him but theres always been... this weird feeling inside me about him. And for some freaking reason that feeling wants to break out NOW of all times! When I talked to K-chan I played it very casually asking simple questions. She knew instantly who I was reffering to. We decided to not speak his name and play it the hypothetical way. For someone so innocent and inexperienced, K-chan is very insightful. *shocker* But if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can't hide crap from her. K-chan knows me more than I know myself. Which says a lot. But she gave me some things to think about the possible reasons I may have feelings for him. POSSIBLY. Nothing is final. I'm still confused and determined to hate him until the end. Karina sais the maybe I hate him because I like him. It's a possiblity. And a horrible paradox. But she also said it could be because he has the power to minipulate me. And normally, I'd rather die than admit to that, but I'm desparate and running out of options. He DOES have the power to minipulate me, emotionally. But also physically because his energy is like poison to me and he knows it. That's why he hugs me. He's so sadistic. I hate him. And I'm hating him even more the longer I think about it. Damn all this mental contraversy! (omg did I just cuss?!) I'm too distraught to care. He makes me sick. In more ways than one. But I can't have feelings for him. I just can't. Because SHE does. And I can't hurt her with that. I could never do something like that to her. Plus.. it's not like he could ever feel the same way about me. And maybe that's why I act like a hate him when he's near me. Because I'm afraid that when I stop repelling him and let him into me... he'll just get bored. Like he always does. K-chan said I love mysteries. And I do. She said he's mysterious. And he is. And no one has ever had power over me like this before. But I'm determined to fight it. I wont lose to this. Damn Vampire!

It was so AWESOME! I'm a high schooler now! Woo Freshmen! We had a small pep ralley first thing at school and I was IN IT. But only 'cause I'm in the marching band and so I got to play thriller. I saw everone and Ty hugged me really hard and wouldnt let go. His energy was killing me. But we all had fun More tomorrow. Gotta go. Byes!

I need serious help with my emotional issues. They TOTALLY work! XD So yeah I'm back from Orlando. Been back since last Saturday. I bought ancient chinese stress balls, four more japanese fans (one is a giant martial arts fan), and a new pendulum. My other one had an unfortunate end. It was stolen in math class. :( This one is smaller and a lot prettier. It's clear crystal quartz I think. Though it gives me more trouble than my last. And for some reason I can't put my crystal near my stress balls without getting a headache. So I've been working on my energy work so I'll be prepared for school. I learned a new trick. Heh. I can now make shields at whim and I can do it in any doorway in the house and program it to keep whoever from entering while I'm there. I've been using on my dad. It really works! Now that I've got defense I'm working on my energy balls. My pendulum says I'm gonna have history class with Ty so I NEED to have those down. I'm working on a lot now. Basically covering all bases that will prepare me for my upcoming freshman year in highschool. And Ty. I'm not afraid of him. I just HATE the power he has over me. And I will not stand for it! So I'm gonna kick his butt this semester. He will be a formitable oponent. He's way more experienced with these things than me. Way more prepared. But I shall not lose!

MAH NEW FAVORITE SONG OF THE HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah it's time for our anual family trip to Orlando. It's so gonna suck. -_- But hopefully I'm have SOME fun. I love Disney 'cause it's such a place of childlike spirit which is what I love most. I wanna hug Mickey! ^_^ It's sad though 'cause I'll be without my music for a WEEK! No internet either! I CAN'T SURVIVE LIKE THAT! But I must be strong! For Mickey Mouse! lolz! XD WISH ME LUCK! Also, I just sent Hisou-chan a LONG message. You would not BELIEVE what I'm up against what with her stubbornes and breaking up with William. And William is like so energy drained not it's uber bad. They're both coming to me and I'm trying to help but it's like NO ONE LISTENS TO ME JUST 'CAUSE I'M 14! I'm an Empath! I think I know a little more than they give me credit for about what's going on between them and inside of them. Che... Stubborn people. >.< But I care too much for them to let them do this to themselves.


This is so gangster. XD

I had to leave band camp early today 'cause I felt really sick. I fell asleep when I got home and I've just woken up. But it's not good because I'm starting to feel the same way I felt the day school got out for Christmas vacation and I collapsed from o fever that hindered me the next week and a half. XP Bad memories. I thought I was dying or something. The only difference this time is I haven't passed out or anything yet. Lucky me. I'm home alone until late when my mom gets home 'cause my dad took my brother to Tallahassee. Yays! No more crap for a while! ^^ Our new sax player was supposed to show up today but he didn't. I really wanna know what he's like since he'll be in my section. I wonder if he's cute? Or smart? Or tall? Or short? Or nice? Or mean? Or annoying? Or perverted? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Percussion got their new drummer today though. His name's Adam. He seems nice enough. I haven't really talked to him though. I now have a headache! Shiz. -_-"

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel nostalgic

I.... am drunk on tea.  @_@ But its okay! Because sleepy and numb is like the best feeliing ever. Though I can slowly feel my energy levels spiking 'cause of the song I'm listening to right now. I love it! It's Ryuusei by Mucc. I can't find this anywhere for downlad. T_T But I shall not give up! X3 I am now in the process of planning my latest novel/possible series, Selaria- School of Atlantas. Not the underwater city but the city before it sank. Thats when its taking place. Basically about high school students in that time period who go to the school Selaria like somewhat normal kids of today but find themselves mixed in the battle to save their city. I already know the ending. Heh. Now to find where it starts.

AMV version 'cause for some freakin reason the actual video is disabled from embedment. XP

No more band camp til Monday! Yays! ^^ Me and my sax can take a break now! But tomorrow I have to pick up trash with K-chan at a local park along with everyone else in the Arnold honors program for some unknown reason. XP

I've been thinking lately about my extreme fettish for music. And really, it's not a fettish at all... It's more like an addiction. I cannot live without music. I breath it, crave it, survive from it. It's sometimes the only thing I can hang onto. Is that bad? I wonder if I have a problem. I just have this... connection with music. Like the heart. If you sever it from the body, the body dies... It's like that I think. I feel everything from music. It's my shield, my gateway, my release, and my pressure. Maybe I have a problem. I don't know. I don't really know what being insane feels like but I imagine it's pretty interesting. :o I've always wanted to visit an asylum for a while..

I like this song a lot. It's by A Perfect Circle called Imagine. The lyrics are astounding.


Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...


You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
and the world will be as one.


Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

I love Maynard! He is a music genius! A Perfect Circle and Tool are two of the greatest projuects EVER. I think I'm adding Maynard to the list of completely awesome people that I look up to. We have some in common with our poetry style.

I love Jamie! Haha. He's one of the section leaders in my group (saxophones.) Our OTHER section leader (Trever) is really... mean. He's just kinda "do it right the first time!" I don't think he's very god at his job... Luckily he's co-section leader. Jamie is the main section leader and he's lovely. Really really kind and calm and smart. I like him a lot. Also Josh is super funny too. He's a senior in our section. I like him a lot too. Why do guys like to act gay to each other? It's really awkward but really funny. Cody's being the annoying weirdo that I've grown to love still. And Max is still the show off jerk that I've grown to tollerate as well. Yeah, the three of us are back in action. We also have Gabe in our sax group on tenor, and another funny senior named Jeramy on tenor with Gabe and Jamie. And then there's Hannah... She get's on my freakin nerves! She's an air-headed chick who can't follow direction but can easily give them. I can't stand people like that. She's only a year older than us so she's just a sophmore. I don't see why she should have any athority. But whatever.

Okay, so I was just randomly watching this and instantly I got an idea for one of my cracks. XD Will post soon. :P


Sendai Kamotsu! Everybody gay!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!

Band camp was fun/stupid today. lolz. We all looked ridiculous trying to learn the steps to Thriller. I would beg my friends never to come see me at a football game but it's useless 'cause I know they'd come no matter how much they hate football. XP I just hope know one can tell who I am in my band uniform when school starts 'cause- lucky me- I got one of the spots in the front row. But anyway, I'm loving this whole band as a family vibe the seniors keep sending off. It's nice. Like havinga bunch of idiot brothers and sisters. XD For some reason the guys love to act gay on each other... It's weird but funny. I remember hearing someone randomly shout "I'm not one of those queerosexuals!" It was SO dumb! Everyone's pretty cool. I love Eric! He's a really awesome senior who can get really mad really easily if you don't listen. He actually broke a drum stick the third day of rookie camp last week. But he's really nice to me. And really funny. He also has this super awesome bright green belt that he wears and he always has sunglasses on. Go figure. But I really like everyione. Especially my new friend Neko-chan. She's a sophmore but she moved here so she knows less about our new school than I do. Oh yeah, all the dance team members and color gaurds are practicing with us and I'm sorry to say it but they're RETARDED. I mean seriously dumb. They're all a bunch of preps who enjoy the moves where they get to shake their butts but can't seem to get into a freakin formation and act like they're scared and running AWAY from the zombies! (Long thriller story.) It was pretty sad and all the band members make fun of them (except me). But whatever, I just hope I don't get sunburn AGAIN.

LOVE THIS BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Lyrics:
"The Package"

Clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
Eye on what i'm after
I don't need another friend
Smile and drop the cliche
'Till you think I'm listening
I take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again

Peripheral on the package
Don't care to settle in
Time to feed the monster
I don't need another friend
Comfort is a mystery
Crawling out of my own skin
Just give me what I came for, then I'm out the door again

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get just what I need
Lie to get what I crave
Lie and smile to get what's mine

Eye on what i'm after
I don't need another friend
Nod and watch your lips move
If you need me to pretend
Because clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
I'll take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie and smile to get what's mine

Give this to me
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine

Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie to smile and get what's mine

Give this to me
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Give this to me

Take what's mine, take what's mine, mine...
Take what's mine, take what's mine, take what's mine,
This is mine, mine, mine